Isaiah 42:3-4a
A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out. In faithfulness he will bring forth justice; he will not falter or be discouraged till he establishes justice on earth. In his law the islands will put their hope.
They are all around us. These people are bruised. They have had blood vessels broken under the skin from the impact of being hit. They are bruised reeds. They aren’t completely broken but they are devastated and depressed. Their once bright flame of life is now just smoldering. The light inside has almost been snuffed out. And often they cover up the injuries, hoping no one will notice. There is shame over something not even their fault. So often we miss the opportunity to reach out to these hurting victims of domestic violence. Some of them limp right by us and we don’t even notice. The victims are from all walks of life. They are the young, old, educated, illiterate, rich, poor and of every race, religion and nationality.
The month of October has been designated as National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. I was in a day-long domestic violence training this past week in Kingsport. I heard stories that broke my heart. And we were encouraged to break the silence about this subject that isn’t talked about. So, today I light a candle in remembrance of those persons who face abuse day in and day out. And I offer light to those who have suffered abuse in the past. Many of you know family members, friends, and those in your community who are victims. And, we as a church must find ways to offer help, hope and healing.
Domestic violence is a learned behavior. Too often children who have been abused turn to abuse others. They learn from abuser that this is a way to have power over others. This violence is a vicious circle. The cycles must be broken.
This type of relationship begins like a honeymoon. It is all sweetness and light. The abuser will do, say or promise anything. The words, “I love you more than you’ll ever know. I’m no good without you. No one will ever love you like I do.” are heard. There are flowers and candy sent. Expensive meals, extravagant gifts. The future abuser works to put on a good front before family, friends, and community. Often, they will come to church, putting their best face forward.
Yet, even in this honeymoon period, there are signs and hints of future abuse that are too often minimized or ignored. The abuser starts to isolate the victim from family and friends. Words like, “I love you so much. Don’t you want to spend time just with me? Don’t’ go to work today. I need you. Why would you want to be with your friends when you could be with me? Your parents don’t understand you like I do. We’re moving to another state.”
In stage two the abuser starts to find fault with everyday occurrences. The freshly cleaned house isn’t clean enough. The yard isn’t mowed well enough. The dinner is too hot or too cold. Phone calls may be monitored. Controlling behavior increases. The abuser tells jokes at the victim’s expense. There are put-downs. The words are: “You are nothing without me. I can’t believe I ever saw anything in you. You are not being submissive to me. You wouldn’t have anything if it weren’t for me. If you ever leave me, you’ll be sorry.” The victim starts feeling afraid and often blames oneself. It is like walking on eggshells. The pressure builds and builds. It is like a simmering pot or a pressure cooker turned up on high with no way for the steam to escape.
Stage three is an explosion. It often includes devastating words, hitting, kicking, sexual assault. In a new relationship it may be less severe. Just one hit or one calling of names. Doors are slammed and the abuser is gone for hours. But later on the cycles escalates. The abuse lasts longer. There may be need for medical care. Then the abuser makes excuses, “If you weren’t so ugly. If you had gotten home on time, this wouldn’t have happened. Where were you anyway? Who were you with? You were suppose to have my dinner fixed on time. If you hadn’t done that, this wouldn’t have happened. It’s all your fault.” But, because of the shame, the victim may just cover up the injury.
Some victims will try to seek help. They may avoid telling family members, which increases the isolation. Sometimes the victim actually leaves for a period of time. But, then the abuser will call, crying and begging for forgiveness. “If you will just come back and forgive me, this will never happen again.” Flowers, candy, gifts are sent. If the victim returns the honeymoon period will start all over again. It is a vicious, ugly cycle. If the victim doesn’t return, there is often extreme danger involved. Some of the victims favorite items are destroyed. The cell phone is cancelled. The car, which has been placed only in the abuser’s name, is reported as stolen. Credit cards are cancelled. All money is removed from the bank. And if there are children, they are caught in the middle and used as pawns.
I cover this topic knowing some may be upset by it. But it must be brought out into the light for healing. I urge you to listen when a victim comes to you for help. Pray with that person. Help that one to find a way to escape. It is never God’s will for a person to stay in an abusive relationship. Let a married person know that with the first hit, the marriage covenant was broken. Please do not advise a victim to go back for reconciliation. It usually takes years of professional counseling and prayer to change the heart and mind of an abuser.
I wish that I could say that the courts of this land always work to bring justice to the abusers and help to those victims. But all too often the victims are put into situations where they cannot afford to get adequate legal help. Often the child support is cut off, the victim has no place to go, the legal battles go on for years, and the lawyers and judges just wish these people would go away. Too often the victims give up and go back as a last resort, only to lose their lives or the lives of their children in the process. Something must be done. We must do what we can to help the hurting and work to change laws, bringing some justice in this land.
This is what the Lord Almighty says, as recorded in the book of Amos, “Let justice roll on like a river, righteousness like a never-failing stream.” For heaven’s sake, reach out in the name of Jesus to bring hope, help and justice. Some of the bruised reeds are holding on by a thread. Some of the flames of life are barely flickering. And, you can be the presence of Jesus, reaching out to offer a listening ear, a caring heart, a helping hand, and a place of safety. Don’t turn your face away. It may be their last cry for help.
According to 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a., “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trust, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”
National Domestic Violence Hotline Number
1-800-799-7233
Website: www.nvdh.org
Hope for Healing.Org
153 E. Broadway Blvd. #113
Jefferson City, TN 37760
Office: 1-865-933-8769
Toll-Free: 2-866-401-4673
Website: www.hopeforhealing.org
Friday would have been 
Barb and I traveled to Fairfax to be with our daughter and her family for the Easter Holiday. Sarah is to be cup bearer for the 9:30 service and I put on a Spring suit with my favorite tie - Lisa Aged 13, Everybody needs a friend - a Save the Children reminder.
After the shared meal, almost everyone attended a prayer service. A few "leaders" provided continuity but every one was welcome to share inspiration and "testimony". It wasn't the usual Redemption Song and tended toward "good" things people had experienced. A few had found employment with help from the "Lamb Center" - another story. Some had found help with their physical afflictions - another major cause of homelessness. A few even found "healing" and were looking down the long road back up. Carol, a healer with the Fellowship, helped people spot the moment in time when healing could take place. She herself had overcome a displaced hip and dropped foot which she explained was due to a combination of the mechanical and spiritual.
During the whole affair I noticed one white guy, a slightly younger version of myself. A "servant" type who found the time to relate the theology, philosophy, mission and history of the Fellowship. The theology was simple and un-dogmatic. He knew what "needed" to be done. He found inspiration in the Bible and believed that all the "answers" could be found in scripture. From a fundamental desire to keep God in his heart and treat others as he wished to be treated to an explanation of the modern electrical insulator derived from the ceramic pottery chards found near "Petra". He found simple commandments, among them one of the most difficult for homeless to obey - "bathe". On a visit to the necessary room, I found a dozen men busy brushing their teeth and shaving, taking advantage of warm water and a little privacy.
Much has been said about the United Church of Christ in recent weeks, much of it
